Flight Safety...
Thanks to a retired WestJet Captain for sending this
> "paraphrase" of a
> memorable safety PA from their Flight Attendants.
>
> In his own words..."I was flying to Vancouver from
> Toronto this weekend, and
> the
> flight attendant reading the flight safety
> information had the whole plane
> looking at
> each other like "what the heck?" (Getting Toronto
> people to look at each
> other is
> an accomplishment.) So once we were airborne, I took
> out my laptop and typed
> up what she said so I wouldn't forget. I've left out
> a few parts I'm sure,
> but this is
> most of it."
>
> BEFORE TAKEOFF
>
> Hello and welcome to WestJet Flight 438 to
> Vancouver. If you're going to
> Vancouver, you're in the right place. If you're not
> going to Vancouver, you
> re about
> to have a really long evening. We'd like to tell you
> now about some
> important
> safety features of this aircraft. The most important
> safety feature we have
> aboard
> this plane is The Flight Attendants. Please look at
> one now. There are five
> exits
> aboard this plane: two at the front, two over the
> wings, and one out the
> plane's
> rear end. If you're seated in one of the exit rows,
> please do not store your
> bags by
> your feet. That would be a really bad idea. Please
> take a moment and look
> around
> and find the nearest exit. Count the rows of seats
> between you and the exit.
> In the
> event that the need arises to find one, trust me,
> you'll be glad you did. We
> have
> pretty blinking lights on the floor that will blink
> in the direction of the
> exits. White
> ones along the normal rows, and pretty red ones at
> the exit rows. In the
> event of a
> loss of cabin pressure these baggy things will drop
> down over your head. You
> stick it over your nose and mouth like the flight
> attendant is doing now.
> The bag
> won't inflate, but there's oxygen there, I promise.
> If you are sitting next
> to a small
> child, or someone who is acting like a small child,
> please do us all a
> favour and
> put on your mask first. If you are traveling with
> two or more children,
> please take a
> moment now to decide which one is your favourite.
> Help that one first and
> then
> work your way down. In the seat pocket in front of
> you is a pamphlet about
> the
> safety features of this plane. I usually use it as a
> fan when I'm having my
> own
> personal summer. It makes a very good fan. It also
> has pretty pictures.
> Please
> take it out and play with it now. Please take a
> moment now to make sure your
> seat belts are fastened low and tight about your
> hips. To fasten the belt,
> insert the
> metal tab into the buckle. To release, it's a pulley
> thing -- not a pushy
> thing like
> your car, because you're in an airplane -- HELLO!
> There is no smoking in the
> cabin on this flight. There is also no smoking in
> the lavatories. If we see
> smoke
> coming from the lavatories, we will assume you are
> on fire and put you out.
> This is
> a free service we provide. There are two smoking
> sections on this flight,
> one
> outside each wing exit. We do have a movie in the
> smoking sections tonight..
>
> hold on, let me check what it is . Oh here it is...
> the movie tonight is
> Gone With
> the Wind." In a moment we will be turning off the
> cabin lights, and it's
> going to get
> really dark, really fast. If you're afraid of the
> dark, now would be a good
> time to
> reach up and press the yellow button. The yellow
> button turns on your
> reading
> light. Please don't press the orange button unless
> you absolutely have to.
> The
> orange button is your seat ejection button. We're
> glad to have you with us
> on
> board this flight. Thank you for choosing WestJet,
> and giving us your
> business
> and your money. If there's anything we can do to
> make you more comfortable,
> please don't hesitate to ask. If you all weren't
> strapped down you would
> have
> given me a standing ovation, wouldn't you?
>
> AFTER LANDING
>
> Welcome to the Vancouver International Airport.
> Sorry about the bumpy
> landing.
> It's not the Captain's fault. It's not the
> Co-pilot's fault. It's the
> Asphalt. Please
> remain seated until the plane is parked at the gate.
> At no time in history
> has a
> passenger beat a plane to the gate. So please, don't
> even try. Also, please
> be
> careful opening the overhead bins because "shift
> happens."
|
maybe this is why I haven't flown yet!!!!!
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